By Melissa Coats, LPC
Talking with partners about fantasies tends to be an uncomfortable subject for many people. Even HAVING fantasies can feel uncomfortable. Many times, this is because of the great number of misconceptions about fantasies floating around out there.
Fantasies live in our minds. They usually provide some sort of pleasure, and since they live in our minds, they are usually perfect! Nothing goes wrong in a fantasy, there is no awkwardness, no one's feelings get hurt, etc. But just because we have a fantasy, does not always mean we want it in real life. Sometimes fantasies are attractive because they exist in that perfect realm!
Having kids changes everything. And sex is no exception. With all the joy that kids bring into a couples’ life, most couples also fear how a growing family will affect emotional and sexual intimacy. This is normal! And the good news is that it is ok for your sex life to change after kids.
In the last blog post, we talked about how pressure and “shoulds” can affect sexual desire. One of the most significant barriers to a satisfying sex life after kids is the reluctance to allow sex and intimacy to change and be flexible throughout a relationship. I hear many couples comparing their sex life to what it was when they first met. Sex at the beginning of the relationship tends to become the “standard” for what we expect sex to look like throughout the relationship. The problem with this notion is that sex and sexuality are fluid and constantly changing! Although that may sound scary, it is actually very healthy.
We’ve all heard the typical story – new couples get together and have amazing, life-changing sex…at first. Then as the relationship progresses, sex becomes more complicated. One partner wants more, the other seems to lose interest. We call this desire discrepancy, and it is a pretty common problem to deal with in a relationship. And contrary to popular belief, it can happen for couples early in the relationship as well.